An ally finally lies within my psyche. For a period, I was uncomfortable with myself, unsure, disgruntled, and harboring dislike. Embodied within an acceptable exterior was an opponent of happiness, an adversary to dreams and goals. Upset with how life had turned out —I didn’t plan it like this!— reality had bit the big one. But thankfully, the same spirit of frustration which revealed a grouchy bandit also revealed a masked fighter.
More than not caring for life at the time, the irritation of wanting something different eventually translated to language of a new future. Whereas the past and the present were discouragements by personal standards, the yet-to-come could still be carved. Slowly hope grew out of grief. A demo’d structure took shape from remodeling (by asking hard questions, analyzing discontentment and anxieties, lashing out and then debriefing what the heck just happened) and an updated version emerged.
An advocate kicked out the squatter. No more foe sat waiting in the foyer.
A friend found a home within.
Pleasant bantering, creative thoughts, prank ideas, giggling at ironies, and the urge to laugh out loud have returned. Once I attempted escape yet still sat in turmoil, a crumpled, lifeless spirit. Those times will come again, I’m sure. For now, I get to relax in agreeable respite. At last I’m again pleased to share space with my friendly self.